


Unseasonable Acts of Reason (or, "a longing invocation of the castaway")

by Shoujothoughts



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Am doing this?, Angst?, Baby, But I did this, Chizuru would be a good mom, Drama & Romance, F/M, First Time Parents, I will add more tags as necessary, Pregnancy, Pregnancy complications, Worry, i don't know why i did this, worried Harada
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoujothoughts/pseuds/Shoujothoughts
Summary: “Of course, Sanosuke-san,” she agrees, and he can see it in her eyes that she is tired. Blissfully happy, yes… but tired.Sanosuke invokes God quite often in her presence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Of course, Sanosuke-san,” she agrees, and he can see it in her eyes that she is tired. Blissfully happy, yes… but tired.
> 
>  
> 
> Sanosuke invokes God quite often in her presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't /exactly/ know where this is going or why I wrote it specifically, but when I think of Harada, everything in me just screams... well, "family." We all know how much Harada wanted to settle down and have a whole mess of kids. I've written about it before (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14038179), and because *spoilers* he never got the chance in the anime, I just... I dunno. That part always hurts me. It gets to me.
> 
> So, this is for anime Harada, my favorite character. It's not based on his otome route, obviously. It isn't even really cannon with the anime. I don't really know what it is. But it feels right to give him what he wanted. I'm working on that, but it won't be without some complication along the way, because what ever goes smoothly for our Hakuouki men?
> 
> Set in an AU somewhere obviously, and when I figure that out I'll let you know.
> 
> Let me know if you want more. I feel like I might continue. I think I know how I want this to go, and I think I know how I want it to end.

**Sanosuke invokes God quite often in her presence.**

_Well_ , he supposes, _that’s not exactly accurate_ , and what god for certain he cannot say, but often enough she has him calling upon some heavenly deity, if not for the reasons one might expect. Today… today is no exception.

 

The blossoms came early this year. It’s not exactly right to say unseasonably, but early enough, and so, it looks, will she. At least, he _thinks_ she’ll be a she. Chizuru insists otherwise, and yet...

 

“Yasu!” she exclaims. His eyes smile as he looks at her. “Or Hakaku? Hikaru!” The smallest of joyful hops accompanies this revelation. She’s practically glowing, and he knows the sentiment overused, but he can’t help think it an apt comparison. God… She’s radiant.

 

They’re walking beneath the sakura. Wind whips around them, freeing a few locks from their well-bound prisons, and though they sweep betwixt them, those petals, he thinks, rain about her like snow come out of season.

 

She’s laughing now. He holds tight the hand locked in their arms’ embrace, and when it quiets, she rests her extra hand upon her belly and sighs.

 

“You okay, Chizuru?” he asks. They’ve stopped moving, and everything has gone incredibly still.

 

“It’s getting cold,” she says, looking out over the treetops. “Do you think it will rain?”

 

“I can’t say it won’t,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at the passing clouds. “We should probably get you home.” A hand on her head. “The last thing we need is for you to catch cold.” That same hand grazing her face.

 

She shivers, and whether from the wind of his caresses, he cannot say. Their eyes lock, and in those orbs Sanosuke sees the meaning of everything.

 

“Hitomi.”

 

“What?” asks Sanosuke, shaken free of the moment. Her eyes have closed.

 

“Hitomi,” she says again. “I want to name her Hitomi, Sanosuke-san.” And suddenly, she sways just the slightest bit. Her hands grasp the sleeve of his kimono, and her knuckles are white.

 

“Oi, Chizuru!”

 

“I’m okay, Sanosuke-san,” she says, but she still hasn’t looked at him, and that alone is enough to have him bending over her, craning his neck for a better look at her downturned face.

 

“Chizuru,” he says again, and, this time, her eyes slowly open. She smiles again and straightens her spine, leaning against him all the while as she takes the hand he’s grasped around her upper arm and gently places it on her protruding belly. It takes a moment to break through the haze of his concern, but he can feel it, the movement there.

 

“She’s excited today. It must be because of the cherry blossoms.”

 

He smiles, despite himself. Chizuru has been nothing if not an enthusiastic mother, but she is small, and small women often have difficulty in childbirth. This time Chizuru spent carrying has proved the highlight of his life, but it often feels too harrowing nonetheless. She quickly grows light-headed, grows weary. “Still, let’s get you home,” he says. “I’ll draw a bath for you.”

 

“Of course, Sanosuke-san,” she agrees, and he can see it in her eyes that she is tired. Blissfully happy, yes… but tired.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that Harada says that Chizuru doesn't think it is a girl before she suddenly changes her tune, but plot, I can assure you.
> 
> Please let me know if you'd like me to keep on! I don't think Harada gets enough fiction, personally. 
> 
> Love, peace, geese,  
> ~Shoujo


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kondou quiets. Sanosuke pales. For a moment, no one speaks.
> 
> “I… I think I need to get home,” Sanosuke says. He stands abruptly without meeting anyone’s eyes and moves toward the door. As he passes behind Heisuke, Souji could swear the younger’s become as wide as saucers. 
> 
> When the door shuts, Kondou has the grace to look abashed. “Was it something I said?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I’d have more info on the AU when I figured it out. Thus:
> 
> In this AU, we incorporate Harada’s actual history into the Hakuouki story. In real life, Harada married a Kyoto girl shortly after he became a Shinsengumi captain and even lived with her a spell before everything went to heck in a handbasket. In my AU, Chizuru is introduced in the same fashion as in the anime, but she and Harada marry while they’re still in Kyoto. When this happens, Chizuru has been with the group for about three years. After they marry, they live together outside the headquarters in a modest dwelling, though they still spend much time at HQ. Harada often stays there overnight, and Kondou--the big softy and vaguely paternal man that he is--has Chizuru's room reserved for her even though she hasn’t used it since she married. Mishmashing dates from the games, anime, and real life, this chapter takes place in 1866, the same year they wed. Chizuru is 18, and Harada is 25.

It started with the grilled fish, followed by udon. When her favorite unagi became unpalatable, Sanouske grew concerned. And throughout, Chiziru would not but sip her tea as she stubbornly insisted, “I’m just not very hungry today, Sanosuke-san,” putting an end to conversation.

When natto--which she could never stomach--stopped turning hers, he truly though she’d gone around the bend. Suddenly, fermented soybeans took a spotlight in every meal, and she didn’t even seem to find her behavior strange. In fact, the amicable Chizuru grew positively cross whenever she heard the subject mentioned, and Sanosuke learned rather quickly what Hijikata meant when he referred to the female as an “Edo woman.”

* * *

 

“I knew Saito was the man for swords,” Shinpachi claims, stretching muscular arms behind his head. They’d returned at dawn from a night patrol, each spent after a long day of training followed by a longer night of vigilantism. Sanosuke good-naturedly kicks his best friend’s shin; Shinpachi mutters an amiable protest (“Heeey~!”), yawns, and spreads his body bonelessly across the floor, much to Sanosuke’s amusement. “Who woulda thought the man could tell ya anything about women.”

“More than you can,” Sanosuke says with a smirk, stretching himself before reclining on the floor beside the fusuma.

“Oh, very nice, Sano,” Shinpachi bemoans, “Very nice.” He sits up abruptly. “You’d think I’d get more women with you off the market now, but no. It’s always”--his pitch shifts--“‘Oh, where is Master Harada? Oh, where did Harada-san go to??’ I swear, it’s enough to drive a man to drink.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever needed drive for that before, Shin,” Sanosuke laughs.

“You’re killin me, Sano.”

The screen door slides open, and Souji peaks in. “You know,” he says, “You guys could talk a little louder. I don’t think the entire building heard you yet.” His tone is lilting, and his eyes are bright.

“Cut us some slack, Souji,” Shinpachi says. “We’ve just been up all night.”

Souji shrugs. “You say that like Harada-san would have gotten any sleep last night anyway.”

Sanosuke lunges toward the door, but Souji is hopping backwards, and his laugh is gleeful, and can anyone even really blame him? Because God knows Shinpachi walked right into that one.

“You’ll be late for breakfast if you don’t hurry up,” he sings, laughing again before impishly strolling away. Sanosuke only stands there. He sighs and shakes his head, some of the indignation falling as he watches Souji’s back turn a corner in the hall.

Shinpachi also stands to watch Souji’s figure retreating. “...Would this be a bad time to say he’s not wrong, you know? OU-OUCH! SANO!” He cups his skull.

Sanosuke takes a deep breath and shakes out his fingers. “Knucklehead.”

* * *

 

Their meal consists of white rice, fried tofu, miso soup, and daikon. The men dig in eagerly, but none so much as Heisuke and Shinpachi, who begin to pick at each others’ meals within minutes. The rest maintain some semblance of quiet composure at this time of the morning, but as the meal winds down and they’ve had a chance to rouse themselves, conversation truly begins. “It’s times like this I miss Chizuru’s cooking,” Heisuke starts. Seeming to catch himself, he turns toward Genzaburo, waving his hands in the air. “Not that I have anything against your cooking, Inoue-san! It’s just nice to have a woman’s special touch, you know?”

“I take no offence, Heisuke-kun,” Genzaburo says. “I too agree that having Yukimura-kun around the compound was a pleasant thing.”

Kondou nods repeatedly, eyes closed, arms and legs crossed atop his cushion. “I agree that Yukimura-kun is a wonderful girl, but she’s making a home with Harada-kun. We mussent begrudge them that.” He smiles and looks at Sanosuke warmly.

“You sound like her dad, Kondou-san,” Heisuke inserts, chopsticks roaming toward Shinpachi’s dish. This does not go unnoticed by the latter, who smacks the younger man’s hand away with his own utensils.

“Yeah, Kondou-san,” Souji inserts, not a touch bitter. “I’m sure Harada-san’s taking good care of Chizuru-chan.” His eyes glint mischievously as they pass in that direction.

Hajime, sitting quietly all this time, looks up then, assessing Harada’s countenance. He says nothing, narrowing his eyes slightly as he returns to the tofu he’s saved for last.

Sanosuke smiles. "I think really she's taking care of me."

Genzaburi chuckles, and Kondou jumps in again. “I remember those days,” he waxes, smiling softly. He gazes off into the distance in a way suggesting he sees something the others cannot. “Otsune spent so much time getting everything ready at our home when we were first married. It took her the better part of two years to organize everything to her liking. I had just taken charge of the dojo, you understand.” He sighs with a wistful expression. “And not long after that, Tama-chan came along.”

Heisuke sputters around a mouthful of rice, spewing grains across the floor as he coughs. “K-kids!?” he gasps, choking just a bit. “You don’t think it’s a little soon to be talking about something like t-that, Kondou-san??”

Souji dispassionately picks a stray grain of rice from his jacket sleeve, flicking it away. “They are married,” he inserts. “I don’t see why it makes much of a difference.” His sharp eyes meet Heisuke’s own.

Heisuke blushes to his roots and stops talking. Souji smirks.

“I’ll tell you one thing,” Kondou continues. “I wouldn’t trade those says for anything. And Otsune was such a wonderful mother from the start.” He grins. “Right from the very beginning, she did everything she could to make our home so welcoming. Nesting they call it, you know.” He glances conspiratorial at Hijikata beside him as though imparting some great wisdom. “And that’s not all they have to deal with.” He nods emphatically to the rest. “Why, I remember how harrowing those times were as well; Otsune never wanted to eat anything, said it smelled awful, until she got hooked on pickled radish and then I swear we had it for every meal…”

And as this unfolds, both Hijikata and Hajime can’t help but notice that Sanosuke has gone incredibly still, chopsticks ceasing their repetitive motion toward his rice bowl. Hajime, ever tactful, narrows his eyes again and says nothing. Hijikata, content until now to listen, has no such qualms. “Something you want to tell us, Harada?” he suggests.

Kondou quiets. Sanosuke pales. For a moment, no one speaks.

“I need to get home,” Sanosuke says. He stands abruptly without meeting anyone’s eyes and moves purposefully toward the door. As he passes behind Heisuke, Souji could swear the younger’s eyes become as wide as saucers.

When the door shuts, Kondou has the grace to look abashed. “Was it something I said?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Unknowingly dropping bombs without even knowing he did so while gushing about his family sounds about right for Kondou, yeah? Anyway, I don't know how linear I'm going to keep this work, but we'll see. Poor Sanosuke.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I-I am being honest with you? H-Harada-san? You’re scaring me.”
> 
> Suddenly, she’s being crushed to a broad, nearly bare chest, and her face is ten shades of red even as she startles. “Sanosuke-san!”
> 
> “God dammit,” he mumbles, angry with himself. He nuzzles his face into her hair. “Yes, Chizuru, Sanosuke. Not ‘Harada-san.’ Never that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This oddly frenzied reaction is totally not out of proportion when one takes into consideration his cannon reaction to Chizuru’s pregnancy announcement in the bonus material for his own route. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoejDLfhV64) I mean, that man. *sigh* I love his character. Anyway, before I get too much further into this, I need to batten down my timeline. Now, on with the very dramatically written, incredibly self-indulgent fic. (I’m not even sorry. :P) Here is the music mood for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuYC6U3LBRs&index=26&list=RDLNyo83Vjn1U

“I-is it true?” he asks without preamble, and—response too long in coming—he inquires again. Her hands still in the midst of mending, and his heart is beating faster than it ever has in battle. “Chizuru.”

 

She startles, turning to face him as he dominates the hall doorway. Her profile casts long shadows across the wooden floor from the light streaming through the open wall to her left. Chizuru does so love to slide open the screens and watch the nature of their garden as she works. The gentle caress of summer light makes her look like a goddess, Sanosuke normally thinks, but none of that matters now when the startled seconds spent setting aside her sewing are the longest in his memory.

 

When she speaks, his heart constricts. Her eyes are wide, and blood pools on the hand she’s moved near her heart; she’s pricked herself quite badly on a needle.

 

“Sanosuke-san!” He tears his gaze from her hand. Shock evident from his abrupt and unannounced entrance only moments before, she looks at him in confusion. She tilts her head to the right, blinking quickly. “What is going on?”

 

She moves to rise, but Sanosuke’s eyes alarm her into acedia, and she recognizes the urgency which has not quite died there. She runs the taunt lines of his frame outlined by the open door, scans the stillness of held breath, and her thoughts travel to his previous question. “I-is what true?”

 

And like a spell is broken, Sanosuke shakes his head. He exhales, flushing ever so slightly and looking abashed. “D-damn it, Chizuru. I’m sorry.” He pinches the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger, and Chizuru cannot help for a moment but think of Hijikata after a long patrol. He kneels on the floor, taking her hand in his own. “You’re hurt.” She suddenly thinks--rather untowardly, she feels--that Sanosuke’s manly profile looks all the more so outlined in shadow. But this too is unimportant.

 

“It’s just a prick, Sanosuke-san,” she mutters, peering anxiously up at his downturned face. He continues to examine her hand, mind failing to register an injury before she tugs it away again. “I’m fine, Sanosuke-san, but what has happened? Tell me what’s wrong. Did you run all the way here?”

 

Sanosuke shakes his head again and begins to rise before returning to his knees rather abruptly. His large hands ring each other and quiet again. He releases another shaky breath and laughs at himself, running a hand through his long, red hair. “Y-yeah. Damn it, I’m a mess.

 

“What’s happened, Sanosuke-san?”

 

“Chizuru, are you…” He swallows once, and Chizuru thinks he seems agitated, though she cannot begin to fathom why. “Are you… feeling alright?”

 

It’s Chizuru’s turn to shake her head as she answers him. This conversation has become all too common as of late, and she’s found herself quite tired of it, as it were. “I’m fine, Sanosuke-san.” But then she hesitates, reluctant to go on. It’s true she’d been running a fever today, but nothing overly worrisome, and she’d hate to fuel this particular concern he’s felt for her lately. Not wishing to burden him, she quiets, but Sanosuke notices her hesitation and inquires further.

 

“Chizuru?”

 

“I…” She glances away from him. “I have been running a bit of a fever today, Sanosuke-san.” She hurries to go on as he stills again, peering up at him. “B-but I’m fine, Sanosuke-san. It’s just the heat.” She waves her hands before her. “Too much sun yesterday while doing the laundry. I will be fine if I rest today, so please don’t worry!”

 

“Chizuru…”

 

“I really am fine,” she insists again, putting an end to the conversation. “Have you eaten breakfast yet? I could make some natto and pickled radish--”

 

Harada grabs her by the arm as she moves to rise. “Chizuru,” he says rather seriously. “I need you to be honest with me.” His eyes are hard now, cutting--she feels--like glass.

 

“I-I am being honest with you? H-Harada-san? You’re scaring me.”

 

Suddenly, she’s being crushed to a broad, nearly bare chest, and her face is ten shades of red even as she startles. “Sanosuke-san!”

 

“God dammit,” he mumbles, angry with himself. He nuzzles his face into her hair. “Yes, Chizuru, Sanosuke. Not ‘Harada-san.’ Never that.”

 

“S-Sanosuke-san--” she begins again, fisting her hands into his overshirt.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t… I just can’t believe this might… I…”

 

“You might?”

 

But Sanosuke is silent.

 

She can feel his mouth move though, muffled against her hair, working to form words which, while necessary, seem so very hard to him. They sit this way for a while as their breathing slows, and Chizuru, sensitive to his disquiet, rubs her hand in slow circles against his back.

 

“Am… am I…”

 

His chest rumbles beneath her. Her hand stops.

 

“Am I going to be a father, Chizuru-chan?”

 

The innocence with which he asks that question speaks volumes of this man she’s grown to love, and so she looks at him, disturbing his hold on her, and when she speaks, her voice is quiet, but strong.

 

“I… am not sure yet, Sanosuke-san. It’s too soon for me to know. But it is... a possibility.”

 

His eyes are so wide, and she thinks it would be endearing if she hadn’t started tearing up, herself. “I… I wasn’t sure. I planned on waiting a little longer to tell you, until I could know. Because I _don’t_ know, Sanosuke-san. But if so… if so, it… one of the nights you… we... after patrol…” She’s stuttering, nearly incomprehensible, and since Sanosuke is looking at her as though she’s grown a second head, she thinks her explanation must be just as disjointed as it sounds.

 

And then he starts to laugh, quietly, softly, and Chizuru is alarmed to see he’s also crying somehow. Only just, but the tears are there and as one escapes, he smiles so wide it hurts. “And--” he wipes his eyes, “And… it’s mine, right? I’m… it’s mine?”

 

“Of course, it’s yours, Sanosuke-san.”

 

His eyes dart toward her stomach, which she realizes she’s begun to cradle without her notice. Releasing herself, she continues. “Who else’s would it be?”

 

He reaches out and gently grasps her shoulders, still somewhat in a daze. “I… _I_ am going to be a father?”

 

And with those words--by some means--everything becomes the slightest bit more real. “Maybe. Perhaps.” She smiles.

 

And then, slowly, methodically, as if asking for permission, he reaches down and rests his palm on her lower belly, and his voice is almost reverent has he wonders, “A baby. Our baby.”

 

In the months since they married--and, if she’s being honest with herself, often in the weeks before--Chizuru has been kissed many times. Each kiss brought with it a new and genuine rush of emotion, from heady to chaste and every tenderness between. This one, however, feels altogether different.

 

Summer holds the warmth of its days. As cicadas click beyond the sun-drenched veranda, heat blossoms. Sanosuke's hand refuses to falter even as the other tangles passionately in her hair. While there is much to consider in his embrace, here and now, he worships her. Though it's far from certain, she prays that she does indeed carry his child under her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems legit, right? Harada’s emotions going all over the place, not knowing how to process the news that Chizuru has kept to herself thus far both out of uncertainty and not wishing to burden her beloved? I wanted his shock to be evident, but also his frustration and joyous disbelief to come through. All Harada ever wanted was a quiet life and family. Let’s see where this goes in the next installment, folks. Can it really be true?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She examines him as a child examines a stranger, peering at him from behind porch posts like a girl hiding behind the legs of her father. There’s a tentativeness there, he thinks, in the way she looks at him. Her eyes meet his regretfully, and her cheeks redden as she turns away in renew of some other task, and it bothers him.
> 
> That’s not to say he’s frustrated with her, or annoyed by her chargine, but rather… he’s curious. So curious, indeed, that he finds himself thinking of her far more than he should. He wonders what it means that she is young and inexperienced, and late at night--but only then--he reflects on the longing in her gaze, that subtle, hidden heat which reminds him that she’s really not a little girl at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses for my delay aside from life, and I hope you will indulge me.  
> Thank you so much for your support: every read, kudos, favorite, review, and subscription means a lot to me.  
> I'm going through Harada's route in Hakuouki: Kyoto Winds and Hakuouki: Edo Blossoms right now, so please expect continuation as my timeline becomes more definite.  
> For this update, I thought you all might like a brief look into how the two first came together, so to speak.  
> <3

 

In the beginning, they guard her ‘round the clock, and Sanosuke takes the early morning shifts. He doesn’t often see more than her shadow against the blinds. He hears her, sometimes. A small sound--the subtle splash of water in a basin or footfalls against the woodgrain of her chambers--is more reliable than the sun by which to predict time. Without fail, Saito shows up only moments after Chizuru’s first stirrings.

 

The first time she eats with the captains, Sanosuke is quick to offer up his cushion to the girl. Partly born of chivalry, to be sure, but there’s something else in his action that he doesn’t wish to ascertain. There’s no room for that dream here, he thinks, and yet… when he finally sees her smile over the hijinks of his friends, he swears to any gods listening that he’ll do ‘most anything to see it again.

 

He starts with flowers, small things found in abundance that carry meaning based on their shape and hue, not that Shinpachi appreciates this fact when he catches Harada strolling beside the gardens after patrol. Sanosuke is no novice to the fairer sex. If Shinpachi jokingly assumes that he’s looking to win a geisha’s favor for the night, well then…

 

No one needs to know just yet.

 

The flowers left on her windowsill have done the trick. When she smiles at him now, it’s with some trepidation, but at least she notices him. 

 

She examines him as a child examines a stranger, peering at him from behind porch posts like a girl hiding behind the legs of her father. There’s a tentativeness there, he thinks, in the way she looks at him. Her eyes meet his regretfully, and her cheeks redden as she turns away in renew of some other task, and it bothers him.

 

That’s not to say he’s frustrated with her, or annoyed by her chargine, but rather… he’s curious. So curious, indeed, that he finds himself thinking of her far more than he should. He wonders what it means that she is young and inexperienced, and late at night--but only then--he reflects on the longing in her gaze, that subtle, hidden heat which reminds him that she’s really not a little girl at all.

 

He begins to seek her out at twilight, now that her house arrest is complete and the commanders bid her roam the compound with some impunity. She’s always by the cherry tree, gazing at the sunlight cascading warmly though its branches. At first he simply watches her, but now he will approach, and Chizuru’s cheeks take on a lovely cherry hue of their own when he calls out to her with a smile. 

 

Gods, her eyes. They shine.

 

It’s the night of the incident that cements his resolve, because when she comes running right toward him and nearly collapses in his arms, Sanosuke’s heart stops. “The...they’re at… the Ikedaya!” she gasps out, and he wills his hands not to clench her delicate arms as his heart shudders for a different reason...

 

That night, when all is said and done, they kiss for the first time in their compound by an old, weathered tapistry. Neither know what the future will bring, but her lips, Sanosuke thinks, taste like hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're still going back and forth in time, as you can see. Next chapter will either be a more detailed account of the Ikedaya Incident or something nearer to last chapter's events. We'll see. Please review if you feel so inclined. :D


End file.
